Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Everything Christmas

Okay, so Christmas is supposed to represent Christ's birth. I wish I could say that this has been my experience in life. In the past, some rather dark things have had a rather negative effect upon my general feelings for the holiday. Helping it along has been my inevitable tendency to try and please my family (all of it, including extended, wife and so on). The end result being that I end up rushing all over kingdom come, wishing like hell the day was 48 hours long to accommodate everyone. I get to make choices, like do I leave the house when I wake up to be with my brothers at my mom and dads, or do I stay home waiting for my wife to wake up?

And it always sucks. I never have the time, or if I do one thing I end up pissing off someone else. Adding to the general negative attitude that all of this crap has bread over the years, is some stuff that I simply can't share here, but I will simply refer to as friction. The friction this year simply makes me not want to come back on Christmas day next year.

I think we're going to go nuclear (as in family) and simply say "This day is ours, we're going to spend it at my house". It's a hard decision, but I wish I had gone this route sooner. Ahh, life.

This year has been taxing. I'm learning more and more that I can only have so much sanity in my life in so many areas. At some point, the lines between who I am and what everyone expects me to be have to be drawn. I'm drawing some of them here and now, before I end up having to say things that can't be taken back -- that's not my style, hurting other people so that I can feel better about myself.

Life is complex after all (Scott Peck was right -- such a simple observation, with such deep connotations). I'm going to simplify some of it now, I hope.

Here's to the new year!

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