Saturday, February 12, 2005

Linux's Security Butt Says Old Mayo Jar Safer Than Windows

Linux Security Butt Paul Ferris opined at a press event in Cleveland Ohio that an old Mayo Jar with the right seal is more secure than a Windows box with an Internet connection. "I've seen it written many times that an old Mayo Jar, kept sealed on my back porch is safer than Windows. Especially after I write it a few times clearly. It's important to write clearly, because my handwriting isn't what it used to be." explained Ferris.

"I know it goes against conventional wisdom that an old Mayo jar would be secure and all", he continued, "But that's just the way it is." He then made a bunch of flatulating noises and clucked like a chicken.

Reporters were somewhat skeptical about the claims.

"Who are you going to trust? My word or your lying eyes?" He then stumbled about the room a bit and continued: "My Mayo jar is so secure -- just look at the seal on this baby!" He then held up the jar for all to see, opened it and took a swig from it. The jar appeared to contain some sort of clear liquid. Some questioned the digital storage capacity of the "device".

"It can hold TeraBytes of ... stuff." He explained after much stammering and slurring. He then fainted. A couple of the reporters sampled the contents and claimed it contained some sort of refined grain alcohol.

Questions about alleged attacks on Ferris' new security device were obviously left unanswered, which is a crying shame.

Any resemblance to this article referenced on (a true Linux community web site) is purely an accident, of course.

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